i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize