Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
