I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
