Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i already hear my dad disowning me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
