He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
