i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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