I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize