you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
