: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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