Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
