I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
