i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
