so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
