Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize