So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
