just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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