Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
