I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
