hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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