She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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