The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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