Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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