whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
