who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize