I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
