But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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