did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
