so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
