Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Fuck appropriateness.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
