I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize