I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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