I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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