You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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