But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize