oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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