he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
