OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
