2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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