Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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