From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
