My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
time to smoke my breakfast
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
