Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize