if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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