i just made my gag reflex go away.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
