Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
