I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
