I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Semen is not good for contacts.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
