the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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