u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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