I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
