thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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