we have pet lesbian snakes
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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