Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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