The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeÂ
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
