If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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