What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I haven't been this sober since birth.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
