How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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