Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
