It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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