At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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