My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
