Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
