My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
