the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
