One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
