So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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