2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
