My hand turned me down
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
