There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
